Author Archives: Kevin

Titanzer #042

“Should I use the Psionic Gauntlet? The Shudderer?” No, thought Johnny, the Shudderer was probably a bad idea. There’s a reason only one exists: it scans your brainwaves to recreate the sound of your parents having sex. It’s a bit … Continue reading

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Titanzer #041

He was overwhelmed with choices. Not only did Johnny know more about generating illusions than most, he was an avid collector of what he called “weird shit”. Rare scientific oddities, devices that shouldn’t exist, that sort of thing. Johnny had … Continue reading

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Titanzer #040

On the other side of the bank, Johnny wasn’t doing as good.

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Titanzer #039

As her hand went through Total Boss’ head, she felt bad. It’s not polite to lie.

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Titanzer #038

“I was afraid this wouldn’t be fair fight. “

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Titanzer #037

“I’m glad there’s more of you.” When the smoke cleared a whole crowd of cyborgs was standing there. Drill heads, people with spider feet, there was even a cybergrandma. Chunky Ben, despite being a huge asshole, was very popular on … Continue reading

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Titanzer #036

When Total Boss punched itself in the face a twinge of sympathy came over the battle robot. Is this what getting punched felt like? Total Boss pictured all of the poor androids, fightbots, and mechanical dogs it spent entire Sunday … Continue reading

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Titanzer #035

“Didn’t even wait for me to get up? How rude.” This was gonna be great.

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Titanzer #034

Great, thought Attie.

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Titanzer #033

“I took your advice and called in all my friends. Have fun being dead, fuckchumps.” Chunky Ben had to hack into a quipnet in order to come up with something this witty. The drain on his system caused his mechanical … Continue reading

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Titanzer #032

“Good news! I’m not bored now.”

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Titanzer #031

“I MAKE PLAYLIST FROM SOUND OF YOUR BREAKING BONES.”

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Titanzer #030

TOTAL BOSS HATE SMALL, thought Total Boss. HATE SMALL SO BIG. TOTAL BOSS VERY BIG. TOO BIG FOR SMALL. TOO BIG TO THINK IN LOWER CASE.

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Titanzer #029

Through the smoke, Johnny and Attie heard a rumbling. It was like the sound of thunder, but how an ant might hear it. How a puddle might feel dubstep.

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Titanzer #028

“I know. But-“ And then the wall behind them exploded.

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Titanzer #027

“That’s it – you’re bored? We’re stopping a bank robbery! This is an adventure!” It was hard for Attie to relate, since foiling bank robberies was one of her favorite activities. Last time she hit a guy so hard it … Continue reading

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Titanzer #026

“I’m not being mind controlled. Or poisoned. Wait – is boredom a poison?” At least Johnny thought it was. Worse than getting set on fire, he could say that for sure. But not worse than smelling like the inside of … Continue reading

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Titanzer #025

“Fight it, Johnny! Remember who you are! I’ll find the antidote for this mind control poison, but you need to hold on! “ Attie was perplexed. There was no visible headgear or spirals about, so it didn’t look like he … Continue reading

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Titanzer #024

“Um, hey Attie. How you doing?” Johnny wanted to say a lot of other things, but you never sass someone after they’ve pulled you through a man’s chest. The bank’s storage room smelt awful, filled with micro-dust and dead nanites … Continue reading

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Titanzer #023

As Attie’s hand clutched around Johnny’s collar he realized today was probably not going to be much fun.

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Titanzer #022

“How about you-aw, come on Attie.”

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Titanzer #021

“Listen, no one likes being ordered around, but can you try a little harder? Don’t you have a gang? Can we get them in here?” Ben was so furious he couldn’t speak. This isn’t how today is supposed to go. … Continue reading

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Titanzer #020

Inside, Johnny danced around Chunky Ben’s punches using tricks and technology, but internally he was starting to get frustrated. The description said this would be “pretty hard” for his Problemsolver rank, but it felt like all the others he’d seen. … Continue reading

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Titanzer #019

“Alright, move along, there’s nothing to see here unless you’re a premium subscriber.”

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Titanzer #018

“What’s taking so long?” Mind control. Attie felt it in her triceps. This was not a normal routine for them. If this was normal, Johnny would have signaled her five minutes ago. At this second she’d be roughing everyone up … Continue reading

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